Forgiveness and Your Health

Forgiveness is a broad term with many interpretations. Most commonly forgiveness is defined as: A conscious choice to let go of feelings of resentment or revenge toward a person or group who has harmed you or to forgive a debt.

Most of us have experienced the feeling of being harmed or wronged by another. Perhaps your partner had an affair, a business deal went sour or a friend gossiped behind your back. Maybe it was a worse offense, such as rape, child abuse or someone you loved was murdered.

Experiences like these can leave you stewing in a pot of toxic emotions and the situation can go from bad to worse as you circle the drain of anger, hatred and revenge.

What you might not realize is that these toxic emotions are hazardous to your health.

Gripes, Grudges and Vampires

The truth is gripes and grudges suck your precious life energy and can make you sick. Keeping score of the past and the wrongs done to you keeps your body in a chronic state of fight or flight.1 Choosing to relive your negative life experiences over and over holds you in the powerless position of the victim.

Holding on to a grudge can:

• Make you chronically depressed and anxious
• Raise your blood pressure
• Lower your immunity
• Raise inflammation
• Take you out of the joy of the present moment
• Make you less trusting of others
• Make you bitter, angry and hostile (and a miserable person to be around)

So on top of feeling wronged you can wind up miserable, alone and perhaps even sick!

On the other hand, forgiveness liberates you and brings you peace of mind. Releasing anger, hostility and the need for revenge has positive health benefits2 and makes you a more empathic and compassionate person. People who are genuinely compassionate and empathetic are healthier3 and have better relationships.

When you forgive someone you might feel like you’re doing them a favor. The truth is that when you forgive someone you set yourself free. The main beneficiary of forgiveness is you.

6 Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness can happen organically, even instantly, or it can take time to develop.  Every situation is different, and regardless of what anyone says, the process is always one of individual spiritual growth. If you want to untangle yourself from the web of resentment and blame and enjoy the peace of mind that letting go of the past can bring. Explore the following suggestions:

1. Consider your role in the situation and how you’ve reacted. Is it really as serious a situation as you’re making it out to be? What can you take responsibility for?
2. Take note of how the negativity has affected your health. Is it really worth holding on to?
3. Try to see the situation from the other’s point of view. What would make them act they was they have? Have they been hurt or abused in a similar way? Under the same circumstances how would you have acted differently?
4. Have you ever hurt someone in a similar way? If so, why did you act the way you did? Were you forgiven?
5. Are you choosing anger and resentment to avoid feelings of intense hurt or sadness?
6. Observe the situation from an energetic level. How does this feel in your body? Where do you feel it? Are you holding on to this for a reason? How would it feel if you let it go?

There are no right or wrong answers to the above explorations. Letting go is a very personal journey.

Forgiveness and Healthy Boundaries

Does forgiveness mean you have to resume or maintain the relationship with the ones you forgive? No, forgiveness is an inner state of releasing negativity. It is for your own good. If expressing that forgiveness will subject you to further abuse, you don’t have to communicate it. Forgiving the violent ex-husband doesn’t excuse his actions, nor does it mean you have to take him back. It just means that you aren’t holding a place of darkness within yourself that ties you to your past and to him.

You don’t have to keep sending money to your alcoholic brother. You don’t have to dismiss charges against the violent criminal so he can go find another victim. You can speak out against injustice, protect yourself or the weak and exploited.

Just don’t allow any grudge to fester within. Don’t suffer the same wounds for the rest of your life. Forgive and be free.

References:

1. Lawler K. A., Younger J. W., Piferi R. L., Jobe R. L., Edmondson K. A., Jones W. H. (2005). The unique effects of forgiveness on health: an exploration of pathways. J.Behav. Med. 28, 157–167. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15957571
2. Lawler K. A., Younger J. W., Piferi R. L., Jobe R. L., Edmondson K. A., Jones W. H. (2005). The unique effects of forgiveness on health: an exploration of pathways. J.Behav. Med. 28, 157–167. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15957571
3. Lawler, K. A., Younger, J. W., Piferi, R. L., Jobe, R. L., Edmondson, K. A., & Jones, W. H. (2005). The unique effects of forgiveness on health: An exploration of pathways. Journal of behavioral medicine, 28(2), 157-167.

Art Credit: Forgiving by Kimberly Webber

Michelle Corey, C.N.W.C., F.M.C., is a Wellness Recovery Expert, researcher and author.

Michelle cured herself of Hashimoto’s and lupus and has been free of symptoms and antibodies since 2009. For over eight years, she has helped hundreds of people reverse chronic inflammatory and autoimmune conditions. Her Functional Mind-Body programs are designed to guide people to recover wellness by balancing the core systems of the body through nutrition practices to release stress, letting go of the past, and connecting more fully to a life of spirit.

Michelle studied holistic nutrition at Clayton College of Natural Health and completed a comprehensive 2-year practical program at Academy of Functional Medicine and Genomics. She is Certified Nutrition and Wellness Consultant and Functional Medical Consultant. She is currently an advisor to the Academy of Functional Medicine and Genomics and the Functional Medical University, and a member of the Institute of Functional Medicine and the National Association of Healthcare Advocacy Consultants.

The functional mind-body approach she introduces in her first book, The Thyroid Cure, is a practical, results-based holistic healing program that blends the sciences of functional medicine, psychology, epigenetics and nutrigenomics with the classic principles of detoxification and mind/body awareness.

Michelle works one-on-one with people who suffer from complex autoimmune and inflammatory conditions, and offers Functional Mind-Body healing retreats in beautiful Taos New Mexico.